BlissChick’s January Question

Photo by BlissChick

BlissChick’s blog, for those of you who are unfamiliar with it, is beautiful, wise and insightful. She recently posted that she will provide a monthly question for which she wants her readers to write responses which will be posted on her site as actual blog entries (guidelines here). I don't plan to post my responses to these questions on her site, however I believe these questions are provocative and will help me on my path to my own bliss. The question for January is below as well as linked.

On an airplane, they remind you to give yourself
oxygen before worrying about a child or an elderly person.
If you can't breathe, you can't help anyone else.
How do you make sure to give yourself
necessary "oxygen" in your day to day life?

I took a couple days to consider BlissChick’s question. The only thing I can think of is coffee. It is the one thing I enjoy that I do daily, often multiple times per day. It’s my comfort. I just don’t think it’s enough and I don’t think it’s the healthiest habit/indulgence though I do generally drink half caf/decaf. Although I enjoy it and occasionally need it, I think it maybe a short-term oxygen replacement rather than the real thing.

I’ve been experiencing a malaise of sorts the past month. I think I’ve been running on empty for quite a while now and a month ago a situation at work left me feeling unsupported and questioning why I even try to improve things when others are being unaccountable. This occurred just before I left for my conference. Although I felt I couldn’t afford to be away from work, I was committed to the conference so I took the attitude of allowing myself to feel my feeling of discontent, go to the conference and allow the change of pace to restore me. Then the car crash occurred which resulted in another stress-induced adrenaline rush for the next week or two. Late last week I recognized how disconnected I was feeling which I chalk up to chronic stress and a lack of self-care. My main source of decompression (and this doesn’t in any way count as oxygen) is losing myself in movies or tv programs on dvd (preferably British mysteries). I’ve been doing this much more frequently lately than I prefer.

So one thing is clear, it’s time to place some focus on how to manifest more oxygen into my life. I need self care rituals which are nourishing, nurturing and supportive. Clearly there is more to come as I explore this topic.

Recovery

After waiting around Nashville for a rental car to become available, I finally made it home Wednesday night. Arrived in town after 6 hours on the road and drove directly to urgent care. I still had the headache from when the accident occurred and although I was pretty certain it was sinus/ear related and exacerbated by the accident rather than stemming from it, I wanted to get it checked out so I could enjoy a good night’s sleep for the first time in days. After an exam the physician agreed with me that I had a sinus/ear infection and no neurological deficits. I didn’t get my knee checked out but figure it will either resolve or I’ll get it checked out later. I ended the day crawling into bed between my two favorite girls, my daughter (who wanted to sleep in my bed and how could I refuse) and my dog, Faith, asleep on the floor in her own bed.

The next morning I was quickly reminded that life moves on, everyone has their challenges, and how life frequently moves us from one challenge to another. I, however, took a break by staying home for work and resting. After the stressors of the events of the accident and getting home, I found myself lacking motivation and generally feeling numb. These feelings, or lack of feelings, continued into yesterday. In fact I went to bed Friday night at 8:30 pm and didn’t awaken until 10 am Saturday. Sleeping that long is something I have only very rarely done, but I must admit, I felt very indulged. My dog, who is a saint, was kind enough to let me sleep the entire time.

Finally Saturday I found myself returning to normal. I engaged in some yard work, cleaning a few windows (amazing how luxurious it feels to have some clean windows), general house tidying and walking Faith out in the sunshine. Showing yet again you don’t have to spend money to make yourself feel good and well-cared for.

Thankful Doesn't Seem Strong Enough

My head hurts. My shoulders and neck ache. My knee is sore. I'm bruised and tired and a little anxious. Above is a photo of my car, or at least what's left of it. It will likely be totaled out by the insurance company given it's missing the front half of the engine. Yesterday around 5:30 pm I was in my first car accident. Given my age I'm sure the fact it was my first accident makes me quite lucky. The fact that I walked away from it without serious injury makes me extremely lucky. This is what can happen to any of us. Unexpected stopped traffic after a blind curve on an interstate.

Thanks to the kind man from the crash site who drove me back to my hotel. He went well beyond the call of duty.

And thanks to Bob who helped me to decompress following the accident. Once back here at the hotel, I crossed paths with Bob, an MD who was a presenter at one of my conference sessions. We chatted and I mentioned I couldn't leave because I had just been in an accident and no longer have a car. He was very sweet and concerned for my well-being. He insisted on getting me liquored up since the only other thing he knew to do was to take a C-spine film and there were no X-Ray machines readily available, so we opted for some wine followed up with a good amount of scotch. We toasted my being alive and well. He helped me to forget my woes and we had a lovely visit. I owe him a debt of gratitude.

A day later I have a plan in place to get myself home. I had hoped to be home by today, but the entire city is sold out of rental cars until late tomorrow. So hopefully I'll get to go home then. I love and miss my car; I'm distressed to see it go. I'm worried that I can't afford to replace it. But aside from practical details, I'm profoundly grateful to be here. I know that I it could have been so much worse. The other two individuals involved also walked away unhurt.

Just in time for Thanksgiving the Universe gave me a reminder that things can be replaced, but the people and loved ones in our lives are irreplaceable, whether family, friends, good Samaritans or our loving animal friends.

A rant....

Yes, this is a rant. I'm not sure what came over me aside from feeling sick and tired of being overwhelmed. This post is actually a reprint of a comment I left on Marjorie’s blog at http://www.myinnerfrenchgirl.com/. To Marjorie I apologize for getting carried away. I'm not quite sure what happened, but I suspect it an act of decompression.

First, let me thank you for raising this issue, as it is very timely for me and is something I am struggling with. I'm in the process of implementing some changes in my life, one such change is utilizing Mareille Guiliano's advice from her books to change my eating habits. I'm a working single parent who rarely takes a lunch break, scarfs down breakfast, scarfs down lunch in the office sometimes while standing up and by evening is frequently too tired to do much more than snack....all. evening. long. I'm working towards cooking more (which I used to love) and taking time to just eat. My daughter even commented to me that she'd like us to have dinner at the table more.

I can't speak to other cultures or countries, but in my small Midwestern city, we are so busy to the point it interferes with community. We frequently don't know our neighbors, much less dine with them, because they too are so terribly busy going here, there and everywhere. My boss and I were lamenting the other week that both of our workloads are beyond reasonable, everyone wanting something done impossibly fast, so tasks get done quickly but frequently only to find out that they significantly lack quality because we are not allowed the luxury of time to do it right.

How did we lose our common sense? Why is it that we are so willing to throw away our personal desires, commitment to a job well-done in order to be viewed as a Team Player (the proverbial Yes Man or Woman)? It is all linked together...all links in a chain that may eventually be our undoing. It certainly has been my undoing in that it has stressed my body, my mental health and most certainly my emotional health. I think the difference with the US is that this sort of lifestyle is frequently glamorized and respected in a very odd and seductive way. Friends passing each other on the street saying, "Hi, how are you? Keeping busy?" as if being busy makes us worthwhile. Honestly, I am much more worthwhile when I'm not busy. I've experienced both and I say with the strongest conviction when I'm not busy, or at least in charge enough over my schedule to say no appropriately, I am physically healthier, far less stressed, happier, and much more pleasant to be around. Just ask my daughter, she'll tell ya!